practicing asceticism

No one in my family is mean or vicious. No doubt I grew up with lots of love and I like my family in many ways, however, I was not sure what it was but there was something brought from them always bothered me.

I realized what it was: they believed what they thought desirable for them was naturally desirable for me. If I would rejected, they assured me that I was selfish. My father said to me 'finally you were ruined' in my 20s, it hurt me.

This is the 'something' to me. I'm taking care of my grandma (not living together. I'm with my father who believe housework is not his job) cannot escape from this situation at the moment, I assume myself practicing kind of asceticism.