how I wish you were here

In a dream, I was lost and got on a train, there was also a train on the opposite track and both were stopped. I saw my mother on the other train and I stared at her. She noticed me and we were both crying. When I have these dreams, I actually wake up with my heart ripped out of my chest. It is always December I reach another age that she never knew existed. I want to say that I'm okay now, but I realised I'm still moping. I know that I am not alone, but I am so stupid that I soon forget that. It's time again to start counting what's in front of me, not what's lost.